Here’s what happens when you go to watch the Tour.

  1. You spend two hours watching various motorised adverts zoom past you. The locals will cheer these to the rafters, and will push you out of the way to get their hands on, for example, free samples of washing powder.
  2. The bikes will then appear, and thirty or forty drug-users in brightly coloured lycra will zoom past you. You may get to see their bike helmets whoosh by. This all happens in approximately 0.0000001 seconds, and your children, who have been waiting in the baking heat for two hours, will miss it.
  3. You go home.

Glad I saw it, though.